I´m not allright

I´m not okay
I´m not allright
Don´t know how to make it through another day
another fight
I am not okay
it´s all a lie
this face is full shame
all a game
please don´t cry
I´m not allright

Closure´s here
I wake up
I look out into the night
feeling your precence
healing inside me
I walk around
in my room
I clean everything that I can get to
I want you out of my system

I´m not okay
I´m not allright
Don´t know how to make it through another day
another fight
I am not okay
it´s all a lie
this face is full shame
all a game
please don´t cry
I´m not allright

Daylight arrives
and I pray
that this day will not be like yesterday
Morning comes
I´m all alone
with this burden inside
I feel me moan
No one one knows
about my pain
Knows about the battle that I fight in every way
I´m all alone
and I cry
I feel shame
about to die
it´s all a lie
all a game

I´m not okay
I´m not allright
Don´t know how to make it through another day
another fight
I am not okay
it´s all a lie
this face is full shame
all a game
please don´t cry
I´m not allright

Reflection

Look at me
You may think you see
who I really am
But you'll never know me
Every day, is as if I play a part
Now I see
If I wear a mask
I can fool the world
But I can not fool
my heart

Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?

quoting Christina Aguilera today. I am so confused I feel like I am falling apart again. I wish I could get that one affirmation that I am waiting for. Would make life so much easier.

I hear your words and they scare me
are you really planning to leave me?
Will you walk out that door and never return?
will you be one of them like so many before?
Is there something I can say or do
that will help me get a hold of you
or is it over before it even begun?
You tell me

Boooooooored

Oh God I am boored today, I need something fun to happen. But it´s so damn cold outside.

Another girl

when will it be over
when will it ever end
this pain inside
I fear
when will I be happy
when will I ever smile
this pain inside
I scream
mirror staring back at me
I hate the girl I see
mirror where´s my destiny
where´s the girl I want to be?

It´s a bad day today...just all these memories that´s popping up in my head and I wish they would just disappear.

She´s baaack

So I am back, and let me tell you I had a wonderful time:)It was sunny and hot every day. Just what I needed. So I´ll be posting some photos later on when I get them, my mom still has them in her camera and they are still in Tenerife. Imagine one more weeek aaaah nice! I wanna go again. I met so many great people over there.

Up, up and awaaaaaaay:D

So yep now I am ready, sitting here waiting for it to turn into morning:)Cause then we are off, off to Tenerife for a week. Oh it´s gonna be so great, I reeeeeaaaally need this!
What else oh yeah I got a summerjob today:)Yeeeeey so now my summer is saved.for work hahhahha, yeah as usual. No but this summer I am not gonna work too hard.That´s a promise!
Okey so there will be a break in my writing now for one week...but when I am back I will be back with loads and loads of information and poems and stuff:)I love writing when I sit in the car or the airplane.

So yep that´s it. Bye bye for now:)

Hope

So what should I write about today...I guess hope. I don´t understand why bad things happen to good people. It´s just so weird, so unfair. I mean those who deserve it, shouldn´t they get it???

Hope

I look up at the sky
at the star in the night
and I wonder what you are doing right now
I stare down into the water
into an ocean so deep and broad
and I wonder what you are thinking about tonight
My love, you´re far away
off in another time and place
I miss you more for each and every day that passes by
I hear your voice like an echo
I see your smile in the mirror
I feel you lips touching mine as I cry a silent cry
tears so pure
sound so clear
head is groggy as I need you near
I look up at the sky
at the star shining bright
I whisper your name out into the night

What´s your life path number???

So I have been doing a lot of tests today and one intresting one was named "What´s your lifepath number"...I immediatly knew it would be 7, why I don´t know I just knew. Scary cause that is exactly what it was number 7. And the description was soooo me. Look at it:


Your Life Path Number is 7

Your purpose in life is to find truth and meaning. You are very spiritual, and you are interested in the mysteries of life. You are quite analytical and a great thinker. You have many theories and insights. A life of solitude is perfect for you. You need time to think and do things your way. In love, you are quite charming. You attract many with your confidence and wit. While you enjoy being alone, sometimes you take it to an extreme. You can become too isolated, shutting out loved ones and friends. Express yourself a little bit more, and you'll be surprised where it takes you!

Okey so some of the things are a little off, example with me having confidence and wit hahhah, yeah I think not but the rest hits quite close to home:)

Another one was "What is your tarot card" Now imagine my suprise when it was DEATH :O

You Are Death

You symbolize the end, which can be frightening.
But you also symbolize the immortality of the soul.
You represent transformation, rebirth of a new life.
Sweeping away the past is part of this card, as painful as it may be.

Your fortune:

Don't worry, this card does not predict death itself.
Instead it foreshadows the ending of an era of your life, one that is hard to let go of.
But with the future great new things will come, and it's time to embrace them.
Mourn for a while, but then face the future with humility and courage.

Another one was "Under which year should you have been born". Now imgine, I am born just under the right year. I should have been born under the dogs year and that is exactly what I am:)

The year of the Dog


You are totally loyal, faithful, and honest.
However, you don't trust others to be as ethical as you are!
Straight forward and direct, you really aren't one for small talk.
You are a great listener - and an agreeable companion when you're in a good mood!

You are most compatible with a Tiger or Horse.

I know I am a dreamer so the fact that I am a dreaming soul didn´t suprise me:)

You Are a Dreaming Soul

Your vivid emotions and imagination takes you away from this world
So much so that you tend to live in your head most of the time
You have great dreams and ambitions that could be the envy of all...
But for you, following through with your dreams is a bit difficult

You are charming, endearing, and people tend to love you.
Forgiving and tolerant, you see the world through rose colored glasses.
Underneath it all, you have a ton of passion that you hide from others.
Always hopeful, you tend to expect positive outcomes in your life.

Souls you are most compatible with: Newborn Soul, Prophet Soul, and Traveler Soul

Give me another miracle

Give me another miracle
Hand me another you
Tell me that I am beautiful
Show me that you are true
Face me with my demons
but stay there by my side as I fight
Give me another miracle
Hand me another you

I am painting on this face to see you
putting on this mask to be with you
I want to face you naked without any fears
I want to show you the true me, with all the tears
But I am afraid you will leave me
like all the rest has done
I am afraid that it would kill me
when the real actress has gone

Give me another miracle
Hand me another you
Tell me that I am beautiful
Show me that you are true
Face me with my demons
but stay there by my side as I fight
Give me another miracle
Hand me another you

I am glad I got this off my chest, I think you know that I needed to get it out. Didn´t mean to push you or pressure you in anyway I just wanted to tell you how you make me feel. It´s been a while since I have felt like that, good on the inside and better on the outside. I hope you know that you don´t make the situation in my life worse...you make it easier to live with. And you make it easier to want to fight. Fight the demons.
So I hope I didn´t scare you away, that wasn´t my intension. Just wanted to thank you in my own way...by telling you I care

what are we

nothing

who are we

no one

Okay so it´s 8.49 AM and I have been up since 6 AM. Couldn´t sleep. Now what, I need to go shopping today but I can´t go yet. Watching a movie but I cannot concentrate. Hmmmm what else can I do. Gonna go pick up my dog later today so I can always walk him but that´s after I have been to the city. Maybe I should just go now and I´ll get things done, everything opens at 9 anyways.

Deep into the Water

Making it through another day

life lesson yet to unknown

Darkness surrounds the endelss universe

as I step onto the wintercold snow

ice breaking underneath me and I fall

I fall deep into the water

where no one can touch me at all

I feel safe

I feel warm

as the freezing water goes into my heart

It´s funny how days change and life goes on. I´ve been thinking a lot today on where i am in my life right now, where I stand. Didn´t get to any result but at least I figured I am way better off now today then I was this time last year.

Sure I still have goals that I haven´t accomplished and that I wanted to do before I turned 25(well still got a few months left hahah)but I know have realized it´s not as much the time space it´s more about the me phase.

JUST

it´s just a little too late to smile today

there´s just no reason for me to cry anyway

things change and life goes on

that´s just the way it is

it´s just a little too late to die my friend

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I woke up today when my alarm clock went off and I was like NO WAY it´s morning already, but there it was. I was half asleep when I came to work, but when I saw the babies I woke up:)They really change your day.

I´m cold

Brrrr I am sooo cold right now, need someone to warm me up. Oh and my stomach hurts:(a lot! I took care of this really tiny baby at work today, I just wanted to take it home with me:)

You stare at me
with those big blue eyes
love me you say
and I sing you a lullabye
You´re mom´s so far away
and you miss her every day
soon she will be with you
holding you
loving you
soon she will be here
taking you home

I wonder what it will feel like being a mom, wonder if I would make a good mom. I´d hope so.