Long time no writing

It´s been a while, not doing so good and don´t know what to write really. Maybe I´ll update later tonight.

Lost it all

what have you done to me, I used to be okay with being alone. I used to like it. felt free with just being alone. Now I cannot breath without you. You took my heart when you left. I want you back. Why won´t you talk to me, listen to me, just give me a chance. I miss you so much it kills me. I was doing so good when I was with you, I had a reason to live. Now I don´t have that anymore...it´s all gone. Lost the sparkle. Lost the will to keep on going.

Starve the pain away

Look into my eyes
Can you see how much they hurt
Look into my soul
it´s a picture of a mirror
of a garden, red alert
Look into my heart
there´s a hole there that bleeds
touch my hand, it´s cold
I lost my goal, now starving is all my body needs


Tomorrow is the first day
of a day made in hell
tomorrow is the last day
that you will hear me say his name
yesterday was too late
today not soon enough
tomorrow will be perfect
perfection of a dove
I will hold the blade against my wrist
and see the blood reappear
tomorrow will be the first day
when I wont have you in here
I will starve the pain away
I will make you disappear
There will not come another day
when you will look at me and see
fat

As long as

As long as he leaves me alone
I´ll be strong
As long as he is gone
out of my life
I know I am not wrong
He can break my heart
over again
He can crush me apart
I´ll stand up, no pain
Life is love
but love´s not life
like a free little dove
I´ll fly through the night
As long as he leaves me alone
I´ll be allright

Oh Mother

Dear moon hear me
as I cry this silent cry inside
Pretty stars, don´t fear me
My ugliness fades
as the night comes alive
I measure my tigh,
too big,
too broad,
too fat
I pull in my waist
knowing it´s not thin enough yet
I have a long way to walk
before the sunlight will shine
I have a sad song to sing
maybe then my madness will die
I pray to you mother please save my soul
Lift me up and take me in
help me reach my goal

Lyrics by Pink

"Long Way To Happy"

One night to you
Lasted six weeks for me
Just a bitter little pill now
Just to try to go to sleep
No more waking up to innocence
Say hello to hesitance
To everyone I meet
Thanks to you years ago
I guess I'll never know
What love means to me but oh
I'll keep on rolling down this road
But I've got a bad, bad feeling

It's gonna take a long time to love
It's gonna take a lot to hold on
It's gonna be a long way to happy, yeah
Left in the pieces that you broke me into
Torn apart but now I've got to
Keep on rolling like a stone
Cause it's gonna be a long long way to happy

Left my childhood behind
In a roll away bed
Everything was so damn simple
Now I'm losing my head
Trying to cover up the damage
And pad out all the bruises
Do you know I had it
So it didn't hurt to lose it
Didn't hurt to lose it
No but oh
I'll keep on rolling down this road
But I've got a bad, bad feeling

It's gonna take a long time to love
It's gonna take a lot to hold on
It's gonna be a long way to happy, yeah
Left in the pieces that you broke me into
Torn apart but now I've got to
Keep on rolling like a stone
Cause it's gonna be a long long way

Now I'm numb as hell and I can't feel a thing
But don't worry about regret or guilt cause I never knew your name
I just want to thank you
Thank you
From the bottem of my heart
For all the sleepless nights
And for tearing me apart yeah yeah

It's gonna take a long time to love
It's gonna take a lot to hold on
It's gonna be a long way to happy, yeah
Left in the pieces that you broke me into
Torn apart but now I've got to
Keep on rolling like a stone
Cause it's gonna be a long long way

It's gonna take a long time to love
It's gonna take a lot to hold on
It's gonna be a long, long, long, long way to happy, yeah
Left in the pieces that you broke me into
Torn apart but now I've got to
Keep on rolling like a stone
Cause it's gonna be a long long way to happy

Please

Are you aware of the fact that you are hurting me more this way? By just ignoring me, tells me that I am worth nothing. Remember how you told me about those other girls, and how you used to treat them...you are treating me the same way now and I know I am not worth that. I haven´t done anything wrong, besides from the fact that I have told you I like you a lot.Please just give us a chance, I know it would work out in the end.

Hate

I hate that I love you
I hate that I care
I hate the way you make me feel
when you aren´t even there
I hate that I am clingy
and that I cannot give you space
I hate that I am needy
when all you want is a slow pace
it´s days like these when I can´t sleep
cause in my mind I think you hate me
hate the way I crave you
hate the way I care
that you hate the way I look at you
and the way I want you here
I hate that I am not beautiful
and that I´m not that smart
that I have a lot of issues
that drags me down on the chart
I just want for you to love me
give me another chance
but I guess it´s all too late now
you just don´t really care
I miss you

Please just make the pain go away, no matter how hard I try to forget it is still there. Can´t you see how much I care for you? Am I that impossible to love? I worry about you every day, dream about you at night. I never knew one could feel like this for another person but I now do. And it´s for you. Somedays I just wish you would tell me to fuck off, but I know that wouldn´t help me stop feeling like I do for you. I am not gonna say the three words cause I have never said them to anyone but it´s close. That´s how strongly I feel for you.

I wish I could just fade away...

What´s the point in me being here, when nothing goes the way I have planned. That´s the line I wake up to every morning, it follows me through the day and it´s the last thing I think before I fall asleep at night. I just wish I could be happy. I smile because it is expected of me to smile, inside I cry. I cry because of many things but mostly because no one ever seems to love me. I just seem to be this person that is incapable of being loved...
so I wonder why I even try.

I crawl into fetal position
not because it makes me feel safe
it´s the only position that can make me little, tiny
I wish I was thin and beautiful
then maybe you would want me
all I want is for you to tell me you have changed your mind
you´ll take me back
that I am worth it

Done with recovery

I wish I could be as thin as this girl...I will be, hopefully by the end of the summer. I am done with recovery, they can just shuffle that somewhere cause I am not doing it anymore. NO MORE!

I am sick of being this fat. From now on...it´s a different kind of tune that will be playing in my house. It´s called excersice, excersice, excersice...

The Devil in me

found an old poem I had written thought i would post it. Makes me remember things I amost had forgotten. I am not worthy of love. I don´t deserve to be loved, so why would you ever want me.

The Devil In Me

A new day and everythingis nothing like yesterday
I look out the window and I remember what acts
I allowed you in my heart to play
The rainy day last august
when you held my hand and cried
I never once realized it was just
another one of your lies
You filled my head with stories
stories from a non existing past
You killed me all so slowely
making sure my insecurities would last
A lifetime being a girl
I never got to know
I sit here in the limelight
and I don´t know where to go
Mirror in my pocket
but a stranger staring back
keychain in my locker
all the rest of my life I lack
I try to sound happy
I smile to make you laugh
But deep inside I hide my paint
he one thing you can´t have
Help me escape from this jailcell
I cannot take much more
Put her picture on the milkbox
save her from being this sore
Kill this devil inside of her
Kill me

Wrote a song

I wrote a song today, and it wasn´t even suppose to be about you but somehow it ended up that way anyways. Kinda funny really. I try my best not to think about you but I still do. I have so much to tell you and still I am not allowed to talk to you. Makes me sad. I miss you.

From the song I wrote:

I don´t wanna feel like I´m stranded
hopeless, abandoned, lost without a trace
I don´t wanna spend my life wasted
hungry, amazed and deprived of my face
There are moments when my mirror lie
and I flee
there are seconds when love dies

I don´t wanna spend my life jaded

Today I realized, I don´t wanna spend my life jaded...I wanna be able to smile again, but not bacause of a boy...just because of me myself and I. I wanna be happy for being me. I wanna think that I am good enough to be loved, that I deserve to be loved. I really hope I will be able to find that place somewhere. Right now it seems so far away. Everyone leaves it seems like. Carrie Underwood has a good song that I need to listen to more often I think.

"Wasted"

Standing at the back door
She tried to make it fast
One tear hit the hard wood
It fell like broken glass
She said sometimes love slips away
And you just can't get it back
Let's face it

For one split second
She almost turned around
But that would be like pouring rain drops
Back into a cloud
So she took another step and said
I see the way out and I'm gonna' take it

I don't wanna' spend my life jaded
Waiting to wake up one day and find
That I've let all these years go by
Wasted

Another glass of whisky but it still don't kill the pain
So he stumbles to the sink and pours it down the drain
He says it's time to be a man and stop living for yesterday
Gotta face it.

Cause' I don't wanna' spend my life jaded
Waiting to wake up one day and find
That I've let all these years go by
Wasted

Oh I don't wanna' keep on wishing, missing
The still of the morning, the color of the night
I ain't spending no more time
Wasted

She kept drivin' along
Till the moon and the sun were floating side-by-side
He looked in the mirror and his eyes were clear
For the first time in a while

Hey, yeah,
Oh, I don't wanna' spend my life jaded
Waiting to wake up one day and find
That I've let all these years go by
Wasted

Oh I don't wanna' keep on wishing, missing
The still of the morning, the color of the night
I ain't spending no more time
Wasted

Oh, I don't wanna' spend my life jaded
Waiting to wake up one day and find
That I've let all these years go by
Wasted

Yeah, yeah
Oh I don't wanna' keep on wishing, missing
The still of the morning, the color of the night
I ain't spending no more time
Wasted

by Carrie Underwood.

She is right about what she says but how to get to that realization I have no idea. Especially right now...I hate my feelings. Why do I like him so much.

He´s gone

she stares out the window
looks after his car as he drives away
he´s gone now
his sent on the pillow is no longer there
it´s gone now
she cries
these are tears he cannot see
but still she knows he is aware of them
feelings got in the way
it was not suppose to end like this
but it did
she walks down the road, alone
his hand is not there to hold her
his arm is not there to warm her
he´s gone
she´ll miss him
more than he will ever know
it was not suppose to end like this

I´m lost

Today I sit in silence
nothing left to say
I cry tears of unhappiness
it´s not just another day
Yesterday I was haunted
run down by demons
killed
love that I had left, vanished
my soul is soar, weak, and betrayed
eyes are staring blindly out into the sky
I hide
Nothing left to say or do
I lost what I had found

I press the blade against my wrist
whishing I had the courage to press hard enough
blood dripping down my arm
not deep enough
I see the lines form a pattern
a pattern of a lonely soul
a broken heart left to rutten
a page torn out from a book
gone
closed

Yesterday

What goes around, comes around. And damn did I have it coming last night. Stupid me for asking stupid questions. Don´t even know if you are reading this but if you are...sorry I wasn´t thinking...again.
Don´t know how I always screw things up, it´s like it´s in my blood or something.

Everything I do
Everything I say
has nothing to do with me
Everything I am
everything I am not
is a reflection of a hunger
I so deep and utterly have lost
This deformaty that is my soul
is acheing in my heart
this pain inside the voice I speak
is tearing me apart
I long for a moment in time
when forever really meant forever
and never never really existed
Black and white doves outside the window
left a red rose on the carpet
now in dust of morning glow
I cry a silent tear
I cry it out so clear

A broken promise

A day spent of thoughts caught up in my head. My mind is so blurry these days, it scares me.

A broken promise kept me up all night
made me remember why we were a lie
all the reasons why it´s over
showed up in my mind again
A fairytale with a broken line
torn pages
messed up inside
made me remember the reason why you and I are through
I sigh
There is no way we can ever go back
I can never see that smile upon your face again
it´s over
I don´t know what made us go off track
what I do know is that I miss you
and that I want you back
A broken promise kept me up all night again.

...

I wish this day could just start all over again:( It´s been one of those days when all you wanna do is go back under the cover and just forget about everything. I knew when I woke up this morning that it would be a day like this. GAAAAAAAAH! I hate these days.

I wonder what it is I have done wrong
why do you wanna leave me
I wonder when I will notice that you´re gone
will it be too late that day
We could be so good together if you just would trust in me

I wonder when a day is so bad that it will actually start all over again by itself cause faith realizes this is not how it can end. Or is this how it is suppose to end? In that case I quit. I quit everything I have worked so hard for, none of it is worth it then. Why did I even bother, now look at me...all flubby. I miss my old body so much.

Living a lie

You ask me how I am
I smile and say okay
You smile back content
that´s what you wanted to hear anyway
But I am not okay
I am drowning
why can´t anyone see that?
Why can´t they see past my fake smile
hug me
and just hold my hand
Why can´t you just kiss me and tell me
it´s okay to cry
it wont make you leave
you just want me to be honest
why can´t I stop living this lie

Panic attacks

I hate it when you´re there
everywhere I turn
laughing at me
I hate the way you make me feel
everyday I cry
for the pain when you make me burn
It´s like you´re haunting me
slowely killing me
I just want to run
but you keep me chained
I just want to hide
but you keep seeing me, I´m claimed
Help me
Save me
Make it turn away
Help me
Save me
Stop this burning, today

Rewind

Can´t we just rewind the time
to another place and time
Can´t we just take tonight
and make into yesterday
I love having you beside me
makes me feel so safe
I love feeling your arms around me
makes me stop the shake
I´m shaking today
and I miss having you here
I don´t know what it is you do to me
but I like the way it feels

A sign

I have nothing to say, nothing
all of these emotions
but they refuse to let go
I miss you I really do
but I am not allowed to am I?
I just wanna be with you
but I am not allowed am I?
Just give me a sign that everything is okay...
that you are not ready to walk away

I´m not allright

I´m not okay
I´m not allright
Don´t know how to make it through another day
another fight
I am not okay
it´s all a lie
this face is full shame
all a game
please don´t cry
I´m not allright

Closure´s here
I wake up
I look out into the night
feeling your precence
healing inside me
I walk around
in my room
I clean everything that I can get to
I want you out of my system

I´m not okay
I´m not allright
Don´t know how to make it through another day
another fight
I am not okay
it´s all a lie
this face is full shame
all a game
please don´t cry
I´m not allright

Daylight arrives
and I pray
that this day will not be like yesterday
Morning comes
I´m all alone
with this burden inside
I feel me moan
No one one knows
about my pain
Knows about the battle that I fight in every way
I´m all alone
and I cry
I feel shame
about to die
it´s all a lie
all a game

I´m not okay
I´m not allright
Don´t know how to make it through another day
another fight
I am not okay
it´s all a lie
this face is full shame
all a game
please don´t cry
I´m not allright

Reflection

Look at me
You may think you see
who I really am
But you'll never know me
Every day, is as if I play a part
Now I see
If I wear a mask
I can fool the world
But I can not fool
my heart

Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?

quoting Christina Aguilera today. I am so confused I feel like I am falling apart again. I wish I could get that one affirmation that I am waiting for. Would make life so much easier.

I hear your words and they scare me
are you really planning to leave me?
Will you walk out that door and never return?
will you be one of them like so many before?
Is there something I can say or do
that will help me get a hold of you
or is it over before it even begun?
You tell me

Boooooooored

Oh God I am boored today, I need something fun to happen. But it´s so damn cold outside.

Another girl

when will it be over
when will it ever end
this pain inside
I fear
when will I be happy
when will I ever smile
this pain inside
I scream
mirror staring back at me
I hate the girl I see
mirror where´s my destiny
where´s the girl I want to be?

It´s a bad day today...just all these memories that´s popping up in my head and I wish they would just disappear.

She´s baaack

So I am back, and let me tell you I had a wonderful time:)It was sunny and hot every day. Just what I needed. So I´ll be posting some photos later on when I get them, my mom still has them in her camera and they are still in Tenerife. Imagine one more weeek aaaah nice! I wanna go again. I met so many great people over there.

Up, up and awaaaaaaay:D

So yep now I am ready, sitting here waiting for it to turn into morning:)Cause then we are off, off to Tenerife for a week. Oh it´s gonna be so great, I reeeeeaaaally need this!
What else oh yeah I got a summerjob today:)Yeeeeey so now my summer is saved.for work hahhahha, yeah as usual. No but this summer I am not gonna work too hard.That´s a promise!
Okey so there will be a break in my writing now for one week...but when I am back I will be back with loads and loads of information and poems and stuff:)I love writing when I sit in the car or the airplane.

So yep that´s it. Bye bye for now:)

Hope

So what should I write about today...I guess hope. I don´t understand why bad things happen to good people. It´s just so weird, so unfair. I mean those who deserve it, shouldn´t they get it???

Hope

I look up at the sky
at the star in the night
and I wonder what you are doing right now
I stare down into the water
into an ocean so deep and broad
and I wonder what you are thinking about tonight
My love, you´re far away
off in another time and place
I miss you more for each and every day that passes by
I hear your voice like an echo
I see your smile in the mirror
I feel you lips touching mine as I cry a silent cry
tears so pure
sound so clear
head is groggy as I need you near
I look up at the sky
at the star shining bright
I whisper your name out into the night

What´s your life path number???

So I have been doing a lot of tests today and one intresting one was named "What´s your lifepath number"...I immediatly knew it would be 7, why I don´t know I just knew. Scary cause that is exactly what it was number 7. And the description was soooo me. Look at it:


Your Life Path Number is 7

Your purpose in life is to find truth and meaning. You are very spiritual, and you are interested in the mysteries of life. You are quite analytical and a great thinker. You have many theories and insights. A life of solitude is perfect for you. You need time to think and do things your way. In love, you are quite charming. You attract many with your confidence and wit. While you enjoy being alone, sometimes you take it to an extreme. You can become too isolated, shutting out loved ones and friends. Express yourself a little bit more, and you'll be surprised where it takes you!

Okey so some of the things are a little off, example with me having confidence and wit hahhah, yeah I think not but the rest hits quite close to home:)

Another one was "What is your tarot card" Now imagine my suprise when it was DEATH :O

You Are Death

You symbolize the end, which can be frightening.
But you also symbolize the immortality of the soul.
You represent transformation, rebirth of a new life.
Sweeping away the past is part of this card, as painful as it may be.

Your fortune:

Don't worry, this card does not predict death itself.
Instead it foreshadows the ending of an era of your life, one that is hard to let go of.
But with the future great new things will come, and it's time to embrace them.
Mourn for a while, but then face the future with humility and courage.

Another one was "Under which year should you have been born". Now imgine, I am born just under the right year. I should have been born under the dogs year and that is exactly what I am:)

The year of the Dog


You are totally loyal, faithful, and honest.
However, you don't trust others to be as ethical as you are!
Straight forward and direct, you really aren't one for small talk.
You are a great listener - and an agreeable companion when you're in a good mood!

You are most compatible with a Tiger or Horse.

I know I am a dreamer so the fact that I am a dreaming soul didn´t suprise me:)

You Are a Dreaming Soul

Your vivid emotions and imagination takes you away from this world
So much so that you tend to live in your head most of the time
You have great dreams and ambitions that could be the envy of all...
But for you, following through with your dreams is a bit difficult

You are charming, endearing, and people tend to love you.
Forgiving and tolerant, you see the world through rose colored glasses.
Underneath it all, you have a ton of passion that you hide from others.
Always hopeful, you tend to expect positive outcomes in your life.

Souls you are most compatible with: Newborn Soul, Prophet Soul, and Traveler Soul

Give me another miracle

Give me another miracle
Hand me another you
Tell me that I am beautiful
Show me that you are true
Face me with my demons
but stay there by my side as I fight
Give me another miracle
Hand me another you

I am painting on this face to see you
putting on this mask to be with you
I want to face you naked without any fears
I want to show you the true me, with all the tears
But I am afraid you will leave me
like all the rest has done
I am afraid that it would kill me
when the real actress has gone

Give me another miracle
Hand me another you
Tell me that I am beautiful
Show me that you are true
Face me with my demons
but stay there by my side as I fight
Give me another miracle
Hand me another you

I am glad I got this off my chest, I think you know that I needed to get it out. Didn´t mean to push you or pressure you in anyway I just wanted to tell you how you make me feel. It´s been a while since I have felt like that, good on the inside and better on the outside. I hope you know that you don´t make the situation in my life worse...you make it easier to live with. And you make it easier to want to fight. Fight the demons.
So I hope I didn´t scare you away, that wasn´t my intension. Just wanted to thank you in my own way...by telling you I care

what are we

nothing

who are we

no one

Okay so it´s 8.49 AM and I have been up since 6 AM. Couldn´t sleep. Now what, I need to go shopping today but I can´t go yet. Watching a movie but I cannot concentrate. Hmmmm what else can I do. Gonna go pick up my dog later today so I can always walk him but that´s after I have been to the city. Maybe I should just go now and I´ll get things done, everything opens at 9 anyways.

Deep into the Water

Making it through another day

life lesson yet to unknown

Darkness surrounds the endelss universe

as I step onto the wintercold snow

ice breaking underneath me and I fall

I fall deep into the water

where no one can touch me at all

I feel safe

I feel warm

as the freezing water goes into my heart

It´s funny how days change and life goes on. I´ve been thinking a lot today on where i am in my life right now, where I stand. Didn´t get to any result but at least I figured I am way better off now today then I was this time last year.

Sure I still have goals that I haven´t accomplished and that I wanted to do before I turned 25(well still got a few months left hahah)but I know have realized it´s not as much the time space it´s more about the me phase.

JUST

it´s just a little too late to smile today

there´s just no reason for me to cry anyway

things change and life goes on

that´s just the way it is

it´s just a little too late to die my friend

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I woke up today when my alarm clock went off and I was like NO WAY it´s morning already, but there it was. I was half asleep when I came to work, but when I saw the babies I woke up:)They really change your day.

I´m cold

Brrrr I am sooo cold right now, need someone to warm me up. Oh and my stomach hurts:(a lot! I took care of this really tiny baby at work today, I just wanted to take it home with me:)

You stare at me
with those big blue eyes
love me you say
and I sing you a lullabye
You´re mom´s so far away
and you miss her every day
soon she will be with you
holding you
loving you
soon she will be here
taking you home

I wonder what it will feel like being a mom, wonder if I would make a good mom. I´d hope so.

To the left

I wanna write something and my mind is blank, what´s wrong with that picture...my mind is not used to being this blank. There is usually a lot of thoughts and analyzing going on everysecond of every day and now...nada.
It´s snowing outside and I am trying to gather some strenght to go to practice. I am so tired now a days, I remember last time I was this tired...wasn´t a good period in my life. But now things are going really well for me so I don´t get why I am this tired in my body. I am doing okay with recovery and everything and I smile a lot every day. I have wonderful friends and a great family. So why so tired????
Gonna be absolutely fantabulous to go to Tenerife next week, imagine IT`S NEXT WEEK:D:D:D
I wanna feel good about my body, I don´t wanna look at it and feel like I have to puke all the time, I just want someone to tell me my body is okay, that it is perfect just like it is and really beieve it. I wanna believe that it is the truth.

Seeze the day
gather this moment
fall asleep with a smile on your face
Know what you dream
Realize you are worth it
Sing the melody in a silent phase
Seeze the day
Gather this moment
Fall in love all over again
Mirror of affection
Sound of a blue bird
Arms around me
there til the end
Seeze the day
Gather this moment
know that truth is what sets you free

Because you make me smile

Walking down this path to nowhere
I feel the sent of a rose in june
standing here on the top of a mountain
I hear the breeze of the morning tune
Life´s full of blessings
whether I turn left or right
a smile, I look up
and a bird sings
just like the star in the midwinter night
Fall comes with leaves
flying around in circles
no matter how I try to flee
the wind is there to make me breath
water pouring as spring arrives
no more ice to cover the sea
I sit on a rock and think about thee
and how you made me into me
4 different periods
4 different minds
4 different lessons
4 different sounds
one is for how I love you
the other one´s for how I care
third one is for everything
forth one´s because I dare

I am definately thinking too much tonight.

You

You say don´t push me, and I try not to.
You tell me to leave you alone and I really want to.
I don´t wanna push you, think of you, be with you.
I don´t wanna have you in me I wan´t you out of here. Gone
I hate these feelings, they scare me.
But I am just human so they´ll be here.
I wonder what you think of me, or if you even think at all.
Probably not right?
I know I am not beautiful,
skinny
or smart
but I do know I would let you in, into my heart
If you´d just let me.
If you´d just have me.

A memory never forgotten

illegal feelings
pushing through the rain
deceived and broken down
all done by pain
one mistletoe
and a stolen kiss
I was cheated on
you were shown what you would miss
you were killing me, killing me
killing me softly
you were burning me, burning me,
burning me to the ground

night´s cold
I was lonely
as I laid there in the snow
sourrounded by this darkness
memories, a distant candle light glow
I heard you call my name
I ran
I hid
you were killing me , killing me,
killing me softly
you were burning me, burning me,
burning me to the ground
nothing was left to stop thee
you were haunting me down
you´re still in my head
you´re still in my mind
you´re everywhere but gone

so stop killing me, killing me
killing me slowly
stop burning me, burning me,
burning me to the ground
I just want to forget about you and move on

Why

There are days like this, when I just don´t know where to turn. I look up, I look down and nothing makes sense. I wonder if it´s worth all the trouble and effort I put in. There are days like this when I wake up wondering why I still try.
These are the days when I need you here, holding me, telling me that everything will be alright. These are the days I miss you most, these were the days when you were able to make me fly.

Your hands

Can you hold me?
I am cold
Will you love me?
til I´m old
Is there anything I can do
that will help me
get to you?
I love your arms around me

Can you free me
I am chained
Will you see me
in this pain
Is there something I can say
that will bring you
into my day?
I love your hands upon me

Mirror

Mirror mirror on the wall
stop laughing at me
stop haunting me
Mirror mirror on the wall
stop stalking me
stop beating me
Bloody hands, no makeup, no face
destroyed body, fattness, no grace
When will this nightmare ever end
when will I be happy again?
When will you rescue me from this pain?
When?

Days like this

It´s morning
I shiver
as I feel your arms around me
It´s nightime
I hear you
whispering in my ear
though you´re missing, you´re still here
bisarre dreams and we unite into this world
this world where everything is red
moments of the past haunting me
they last
black, dead
you take me in your arms
you hold me close
I fall asleep
I forget
you make me whole again
you make me visible

Making it through another day

I just found out one thing and I cannot do anything but smile. It´s funney how life change and how things sometimes just seem to work out when you least expect them to.