To the left

I wanna write something and my mind is blank, what´s wrong with that picture...my mind is not used to being this blank. There is usually a lot of thoughts and analyzing going on everysecond of every day and now...nada.
It´s snowing outside and I am trying to gather some strenght to go to practice. I am so tired now a days, I remember last time I was this tired...wasn´t a good period in my life. But now things are going really well for me so I don´t get why I am this tired in my body. I am doing okay with recovery and everything and I smile a lot every day. I have wonderful friends and a great family. So why so tired????
Gonna be absolutely fantabulous to go to Tenerife next week, imagine IT`S NEXT WEEK:D:D:D
I wanna feel good about my body, I don´t wanna look at it and feel like I have to puke all the time, I just want someone to tell me my body is okay, that it is perfect just like it is and really beieve it. I wanna believe that it is the truth.

Seeze the day
gather this moment
fall asleep with a smile on your face
Know what you dream
Realize you are worth it
Sing the melody in a silent phase
Seeze the day
Gather this moment
Fall in love all over again
Mirror of affection
Sound of a blue bird
Arms around me
there til the end
Seeze the day
Gather this moment
know that truth is what sets you free

Because you make me smile

Walking down this path to nowhere
I feel the sent of a rose in june
standing here on the top of a mountain
I hear the breeze of the morning tune
Life´s full of blessings
whether I turn left or right
a smile, I look up
and a bird sings
just like the star in the midwinter night
Fall comes with leaves
flying around in circles
no matter how I try to flee
the wind is there to make me breath
water pouring as spring arrives
no more ice to cover the sea
I sit on a rock and think about thee
and how you made me into me
4 different periods
4 different minds
4 different lessons
4 different sounds
one is for how I love you
the other one´s for how I care
third one is for everything
forth one´s because I dare

I am definately thinking too much tonight.

You

You say don´t push me, and I try not to.
You tell me to leave you alone and I really want to.
I don´t wanna push you, think of you, be with you.
I don´t wanna have you in me I wan´t you out of here. Gone
I hate these feelings, they scare me.
But I am just human so they´ll be here.
I wonder what you think of me, or if you even think at all.
Probably not right?
I know I am not beautiful,
skinny
or smart
but I do know I would let you in, into my heart
If you´d just let me.
If you´d just have me.

A memory never forgotten

illegal feelings
pushing through the rain
deceived and broken down
all done by pain
one mistletoe
and a stolen kiss
I was cheated on
you were shown what you would miss
you were killing me, killing me
killing me softly
you were burning me, burning me,
burning me to the ground

night´s cold
I was lonely
as I laid there in the snow
sourrounded by this darkness
memories, a distant candle light glow
I heard you call my name
I ran
I hid
you were killing me , killing me,
killing me softly
you were burning me, burning me,
burning me to the ground
nothing was left to stop thee
you were haunting me down
you´re still in my head
you´re still in my mind
you´re everywhere but gone

so stop killing me, killing me
killing me slowly
stop burning me, burning me,
burning me to the ground
I just want to forget about you and move on

Why

There are days like this, when I just don´t know where to turn. I look up, I look down and nothing makes sense. I wonder if it´s worth all the trouble and effort I put in. There are days like this when I wake up wondering why I still try.
These are the days when I need you here, holding me, telling me that everything will be alright. These are the days I miss you most, these were the days when you were able to make me fly.

Your hands

Can you hold me?
I am cold
Will you love me?
til I´m old
Is there anything I can do
that will help me
get to you?
I love your arms around me

Can you free me
I am chained
Will you see me
in this pain
Is there something I can say
that will bring you
into my day?
I love your hands upon me

Mirror

Mirror mirror on the wall
stop laughing at me
stop haunting me
Mirror mirror on the wall
stop stalking me
stop beating me
Bloody hands, no makeup, no face
destroyed body, fattness, no grace
When will this nightmare ever end
when will I be happy again?
When will you rescue me from this pain?
When?

Days like this

It´s morning
I shiver
as I feel your arms around me
It´s nightime
I hear you
whispering in my ear
though you´re missing, you´re still here
bisarre dreams and we unite into this world
this world where everything is red
moments of the past haunting me
they last
black, dead
you take me in your arms
you hold me close
I fall asleep
I forget
you make me whole again
you make me visible

Making it through another day

I just found out one thing and I cannot do anything but smile. It´s funney how life change and how things sometimes just seem to work out when you least expect them to.